Getting Back On Track

Well again life happend!  In addition to the tribe, the goals, the business TIPS for Child Care Institute http://www.tipsforchildcare.com/, apparently now there is this health issue.  Darn, fibroids not to much of a hassle for most women as I understand it through doctors and books however for me, seeming to somehow get the short end of the stick I am faced with some real "side effects" from these suckers.  The weight gain has been attributed to my new found friends, and some true-life fatigue as well.  See when you think you have it figured out, planning and all there seems to be some little monkey wrench just waiting to jump in getting you off track. 

Mines generally come in the form of fatigue, I am a survival of Sickle Cell Anemia, and now these darn Fibroids that can bring on Anemia...so it sometimes feel like I just can't make it through.  Last night was one of those nights. The exhaustion came down on me like a ton of bricks! This is where it all goes down hill fast for us, as a family.  These battles with fatigue are as bad as a beign some describe, because the exhaustion is so quick it passes me out, my tribe start to behave as if they have been neglected.  As much as I try to organize everyone and put systems in place for the evening it becomes unmanagable and everyone loses their way. 

Walk with me around this, my plan last night was to prepare for the webinars for the day...create fancy flip charts not just the same old boring ones I have used for years...well at least that was the plan when right at dinner time, a great dinner of navy beans and quick Lipton packaged cheese rice and broccoli, sided with flour tortillas I become very irritated.  I knew my evening was scheduled to last until 11pm but it was only 7pm ugh, at this point I am extremely tired and growing weaker by the second.  This is when I began to bark orders 10 and 9 year old, Alif and Imani.  They knew "it" was coming and I swear they slowed down as a result (this is the character we are working on, the empathy around the illness and the need to step it up).  I began the rundown of the evening, trying to make it easier:

• I eliminated baths (its spring break and the little ones can stay home, so the heck with it);  
• I allowed the little ones to sleep on the floor on a huge comfortable and watch a Netflix movie next to my bed
• I asked the older kids to do their chores and help with changing the baby, giving the tot a bath (she pooped during potty training, and make a bottle for the little one)
• I explained my issue and asked them to please get off technology by 10:30pm

Sounds easy right!  Nope, not for this tribe...I wake up to a half-cleaned kitchen (a mothers nightmare), the baby is smelly and pamper swollen from the night before and the bathroom yuck, saving the respect you have for my family I will spare you the details.

So now its for me to get us back on track...Drill Sergeant Mama has to come out of a box.  My sadness peaking, barely understanding why "my kids" would not follow the rules. My kids not get it together without someone standing over their should.  It is completely insane, making me wonder, would spanking them be too much? Hum....well these are the strategies I used to get us back on track:

• Discussing the issue at hand using only the facts, no accusations. (facts included my precise request, the tasks that were not done and a plan of action to get them done immediately)
• Consequences (created by the children not me, example I will take out the trash and not watch TV this morning for an hour)
• Self Accountability Plan (Yes, I do remember you asking me to clean the table, I should have taken care of it and yes I feel bad because we have to throw out the butter which was left on the counter last night, I will pay for it out of my allowance)

For me screaming and yelling is too much but getting back on track can be done as easy without my stress level increasing and yes it is effective, the house is clean and we are back on track with our day.  Everyone is playing and I am satisfied and ready to conduct training number two of the day at www.tipsforchildcare.com. 

21 Days To Break A Habit - The New Spring-Break

Unable to accomplish all the goals of yesterday as I totally forget about the laundry and managing the kids through the rituals of the weekend in an attempt to create new habits my new spring break for the kids, "21 days to break a habit" (this has become a general expression not sure who to give credit to but I love it).  My kids have become very trifling around cleaning, organization and participating in household chores.  See this year we will not vacation we will be breaking created habits during the school year, things I have to break.  See, a year ago I moved my tribe, Jyana (14), Alif (11), Imani (9), Bakari (6), Ayanna (5), Naimah (2), and Omega (1) to Harrisburg, PA; as I "healed" from some of the dirty laundry that was dropped on my front door by who I will refer to as"Romeo".  We lived in Harrisburg for exactly one year to the day.  During this uproot my children and I did pretty well adjusting but created some very trifling habits around cleanliness's and our attitude to self motivate.  Due to the location, were we had no family and friends I think this contributed to our issue, but also because no other parents required their children to do the age old fundamental development of childhood - CHORES. 

Right now you would not believe we have been a "chore-list" household since I started having children, thus my eldest should have acclimated by now to understanding the expectations of clean.  However, this has not been the case with her or any of the children. Me understanding theory and a follower of Erikson and his ages and stages of development, I "get it", so to speak.  However, what I am challenged with is why cleanliness for this family has not become instinctual.  Every person who has been dear to me has taught my children how to:

• follow a list
• clean properly
• chunk tasks
• use effective time management
• free themselves of distraction.

Now they are receiving a strong dose of Mommy Boot cCmp around this issue which includes immediate external and self-accountability and motivation strategies.  No more rewards, consequences that are concentrated around external accountability or excuse making around "appropriate developmental practices".  I putting them through the thing that makes sense to me..."if you do not do your chores what happens".  I am very unorthodox in teaching this especially now that we are in shared living quarters.   Not only do they have to meet my standards of cleanliness they also must meet my mothers standards, which feel more like a mother-in-law standards with strong symptomatic similarities to OCD. 

Unlike my mother who wanted to pull out more list, which are great for visual learners, my kids with the exception of my one child are all tactile learners.  Thus a list becomes like a foreign language when it comes to an instructional tool.  My kids have to feel the direction, practice and feel the consequence as it directly relates to the immediate reward.  So Saturday morning at 7 am I become the cleaning referee, instead of strikes and illegal plays I am calling out "nope, do it again", "don't you see this", "bend down pick it up", "okay we discussed this, now there is no TV for an hour per missed item".  Sounds harsh? No, try living in a house were everyone drops something every hour and times that by seven. The visual 7 items times 7 people equal 49 items out of place per hour, on a rainy day that can be 49 items times 12 hours which by the end of the can look like 588 items out of place, ugh! No way I cannot live like that...so there is not room for lack of cleanliness in our environment it becomes an immediate fire hazard, health and safety concern. So just like we get stern with aiding our children in understanding we do not place our fingers in plugs or jump in front of moving cars...this is a hazard to our environment.

Some of the habits we are breaking include:

• picking up clothes
• no eating in the bedrooms
• not placing items recently used back in binds, shelves, drawers or closets (including cd's and DVDs)
• not playing with toys in appropriate locations
• not putting our hands on windows and mirrors
• not walking and eating with food in hand (harder for pre-teens and teens)
• not moving items when sweeping and mopping

These seem simple enough right? However, for a family of eight this can be a chaotic nightmare when it comes to time management.  These habits must be broken so that we can have more time in our day...looking for socks and shoes when it is time to go can make the difference when it comes to how long we stay at an activity, how I feel mentally and physically by the time we get packed into a van and as I ration out my energy and their overall stress level. So we are well on our way day 2 of 21 days to break a habit the new spring-break.
  

Gotta Keep Moving

Today I am feeling extra motivated...knowing that I have a full day ahead of me...refocusing is the key not devistation or allowing anyone else to write this story.  So often when people think of the an African American with seven children they visualize something, the mind rarely goes blank.  That vision is immediately protrayed for the weak and we as a family feel it.  This vision is equally protrayed in the eyes of my family including my mother (although for some reason she thinks we don't notice).  This has been a huge challenge for me and "my tribe". 

Please allow me to take a moment and introduce myself... I am Shawntel, sort of makes me laugh now to think of myself with a first name; generally referred to as Mama, and the mom of my children, or Billie's (my mom) daughter; a woman can loose her identity in just this, haha. I digress, in all this I do have an identity of my own, I have awesome credentials, which to some may not seem so awesome but to me heck gaining any college credits, juggling kids, a business, a "social" life and a man (Gods term not mines) is worthy of mention.  As a child I was an un-nurtured genius, in quantitative and qualitative terms,  only person who recognized my gift was my dad, bless his soul the rest of Black America assumed he was "spoiling" me completely oblivious to the hours of hard work I put in reading by the age of three, working when others where playing and being characteristically groomed for the world I will be a part of for the rest of my life.  I grew up in Chicago, Illinois for the better part of my life I lived on 63rd and Drexel (now a beautiful community I hear) but when I was a kid it was transitioning from Middle Class Black Folks to hardcore rebels and thugs. 

Apparently my father purchased a two story - two family brownstone for very little money with hopes of cashing in when the community changed for the good (a mastermind unsupported by society more on him later). When we moved in there was no roof on one side of the building, yes we could see the sky I remember begging to stay there with him because he was so excited about his purchase, it still makes me smile to think of this.  None the less this later would be my community for 11 years of my life, my first introduction to stigmas and what makes people live unauthentic lives.  We to my recollection were not desuetude or at least it never felt like we were poor, as a matter of fact I was taught, "just because you live somewhere does not make you of the place you live".  My first lesson in "the disconnect", so many Black folks have today and possibly where my soul signaled rebellion for the first time to become and advocate versus becoming "bu-ghetto" (pronounced boo jet toe); I think this is still pissing people off today.

From 63rd I have become a woman with a head on her shoulders, able to talk to the best of people in the world from the local thug or wine-o to top professionals from leading schools, lets just say I have transitioned well.  I managed to for 24 years of my life stay away from the Romeo and Juliet storyline, by bringing only academically sound men home to Mama, jerks and irresponsible men none the less and then as you can imagine if we are in agreement that art dictates life not the other way around; I met my Romeo.  The one that doesn't fit into any category of what I was "bred" to be attracted to. Yes he reads, writes and speaks, he even did some years at the local University but he is blue collar, and loves the streets, the women and what society tells him he can legally be a part of to create chaos in the lives of women.  This has been one of many turning points in my life, the one being that causes me situational confusion.  The four W's and a big fat H, the type of situation that fills all literary material in Black America. For me who was just not reared to deal with it I am still struggling through this storyline what you can imagine probably is...I'll let you use your imagination to put in the details of this saga, me I have restrained from rationalizing it and well as placing to much of my energy around it. I with much poise and rearing am learning to walk away from it all and work on keeping it moving. "Love not hate" is my motto and I am a lover of karma so I am going to get my "five laughs" in the end but I hope that my way of dealing is rewarded here on earth along with in the pearly gates of heaven, because I think this situation has placed many holes in my superwoman cape, my spinach is now just weeds and I can sure use a battery from the bunny as I keep it moving....

Today's goals:

• Get to the gym early this morning (my weekend me time)
• Take my hoop-ride to get an oil change and find out about the leaks and the gas gauge (was stuck on a two lane bridge on Monday, backed traffic up for hours do not want to relive this again).
• Take child number one to gymnastics for private lessons (trying to get her back walk over in time for cheerleading may God grant her the skills)
• Consultation with a childcare provider (I love these meetings it helps me keep my skills sharp and so affirms my destiny)
• No longer focusing on the rat race on Gods time (this is the hardest of all goals, I think I am an automatic worry machine)

But I will Keep It Moving!

"My Soap Box" - Success For Me and My Kids or Bust!: First Day of The Rest of My Life!

"My Soap Box" - Success For Me and My Kids or Bust!: First Day of The Rest of My Life!: "I first want to apologize for going Missing In Action...well not really apologize shucks I am a mom of a 14, 11, 9, 6, 5, 2, and 1 year old...."

First Day of The Rest of My Life!

I first want to apologize for going Missing In Action...well not really apologize shucks I am a mom of a 14, 11, 9, 6, 5, 2, and 1 year old..hum do you apologize at that point? Nope. I must admit I feel like I have somewhat earned a place where seniority is present. No apologies, no worries and no holds barred all green lights indicating try hell what do you have to lose...haha.  My voices in my head are getting the best of me (just joking a bad and corny one I admit). 

The deal right now for me and my family is this...I am dreadfully back home with my mom, and my kids in her house.  Yes this independant mother of 7 has crawled back into the depths of the cave...the mental anguish seems to be getting the best of me...but heck I havn't been in these walls under this grip since I was 17 and now I am 30 plus....(sigh).  So walk with me through this journey as I attempt to get my feet on solid ground and move us out of here in the next 6 months.... This my friend is day one of the rest of my life...for me and my kids or bust!

Steps I have already taken to prepare for my personal journey  to Independence:

• Enrolled in school for computer programming (gotta have something concrete to fall back on)
• Placed an ad on Craigslist for a home I can afford (heck I'm always helping somebody if there is any karma associated to my good deeds I might as well put it out there)
• Learning to re-love, re-define and help myself in a different way - Weight loss (yep, gotta cut loose about 120 pounds, it is holding me back in a major way)
• Reconnecting with the outside world (joined a gym, and a soul line dancing class at the adult recreational center fun with the fogies my age...haha)

You see I have dreams, visions and goals...one day I see a big amount of my money coming my was, success and no more worries about car stopping, insurance not paid, gas sky rocketing etc...I mean really I know that dreams come true but for me it seems like I always get the short end of the stick...but karma is a motha and I know if there is a blessing out there that can be mines it will be. 

Heck I am the owner and operator of a great business (although I haven't figured out how to make any real money) I know it will be successful...go to the site www.tipsforchildcare.com and tell me what you think!

Helping Young Children Get Ready For Math

Where is it? In/Out sometimes feel like an abstract concept for small children a quick on the go or just fun book can be created in a few easy steps!
1. Fold a piece of paper in half
2. Trace childs hand on outside of book and Inside of book.
3. Lable outside OUT and Inside page IN

Kids love being able to put their hand inside the traced hand for hours.  For a variation cut the hand out and glue traced paper on a  different color paper. Keep the cut out and the children now have an easy manipulative for the day!

For more tips please follow on twitter at http://www.twitter.com/tips4childcare

 

TIPS To Aid In Bridging The Parent Involvement Gap

Parent involvment is an ongoing challenge for people and programs working with children.  From getting parents to participate in fundraisers to one-on-one conferences we are seeing less and less involvement in the child developement world.  Here are a few tips that may assist in bridging this gap.  For additional information join us for this Tuesday as we discuss Building a Parenting Program during our weekly Parent Education Solutions Nap/Bedtime learn sessions.  This will also be the topic this week during the Child Care and Beyond blogradio show.
•          Prepare parents for what they can expect from the child’s school experience. As a parent of today it is important for me to schedule things ahead of time.  For me to be involved I have to know dates, and times at least three months out. This allows me to keep commitments to my family and is imperative for the professionalism of my business.

•          Protect the parent-child relationship.  My child views me by the standards created in this world.  If you are discussing my practices in front of my children and your body language or words are contridicatory to my belief systems and values my child will have a conflicted understanding of my role and doubt my decisions and parental practices.

•          Contact parents frequently and on a regular bases. The on-going relationship I have with caretakers and teachers allow me to have the confidence in their abilities and stay in the loop.  This cuts out the munipulation factors chidren sometimes display and my personal frustration around clarity and communication.

•          Respect parents for the difficult job they have, the role they play and the persons they are… respect their rights as parents to disagree. When there is a conflicting situation the last thing I need is for someone to "tell" me how to do my job as a parent.  On a good day I respect and relate to the position of the caretaker and educators however, there are times I just need to be respected for my role.  Especially when it comes to food, education and rearing practices. 

•          Listen hear them out, as parents.  As a parent I need to be heard, you may be the only adult interaction I have had all week.  Often times this may be an opportunity for me to fully express my needs as a parent and the desires I have for my children.